I Swear Officer It Was Dead Before I Hit It!!!
by Grannygotgame
Summary: Sakura get's hit in the head and goes insane. It's rated like this because of the language NOT SEXUAL CONTENT!!!!So if ur lookn fer that this aint the story for you. Please R&R. (If you like boybands and girlbands and pop music, this may be offensive so d


Sup yall. I'm the author of this insane story. I don't own Card Captor Sakura or Cardcaptors  
so don't sue me aight? Please R&R  
  
I Swear Officer, It Was Dead Before I Hit It!  
  
"Well! That finishes up all my chores. Now I can go to Madison's" Said Sakura after   
doing all her chores. She put on her roller blades and was off.  
  
On her way, she found a fat old lady watering her plants with a helmet on. The fat  
lady looked at Sakura and said "Sakura, I am your mother's father's sister's husband's   
roommate's ex-wive's brother's hamster's earwax!!! Mwahahahaha!! You cannot hide from me!"   
The lady took of her helmet and Sakura actually saw earwax.  
  
"Ahhhhhh!!! HELP ME!!" Sakura roller bladed as fast as she could to a nearby alley.   
The earwax sent it's dog after her. The alley came to an end. "Mommy!" squealed Sakura.   
  
She tried using the fly card, but before she got a chance, the dog grabbed it and  
threw it into the garbage can on the side of the alley. She randomly took out a card and said   
"Release and Dispel!" It was the Twin card. Oh great thought Sakura. Now there's two dogs.   
  
Sakura climbed up boxes on the side of the alley to the roof. The dogs followed. They   
chased her off the edge and Sakura fell head first onto the pavement.  
  
"Well our job is done." Said one of the dogs.   
  
"Now, let's go back so that sorry excuse for hamster's earwax can give us our treats."   
said the other.  
  
Li and Meilin were walking on the sidewalk when they found Sakura unconscious on the   
ground.  
  
"Sakura?" said Meilin in shock.  
  
"Sakura!! Speak to me!!" shouted Li.  
  
"She's dead. Dah well!! Time to move on with our lives." said Meilin.  
  
"Sakura!! TALK!! TALK TO ME!! Please be alive..." said Li with tears in his eyes.   
"No... Sakura..."  
  
"Well that was a nice hallmark moment. Now let's go!!" said Meilin, dragging Li   
away from Sakura.  
  
"Go call an ambulance." Shouted Li to Meilin.  
  
"What does he she have that I don't have?" mumbled Meilin.  
  
"Did you say something?" asked Li.  
  
"No!" said Meilin running to the nearest phone.  
  
"NOT YOU, Sakura!!" said Li.  
  
Meilin was about ten feet away when Sakura woke up. She ran back to them.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Sakura to Li.  
  
Li just hugged Sakura and said nothing.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!" shouted Sakura kicking Li a few inches below the belt as  
hard as she can. More tears filled Li's eyes. He fell to the ground with a thud.  
  
"OWWWWWW!!!!!" yelled Li squirming on the ground in agony.  
  
"What is wrong with you!" shouted Meilin "Your boyfreind just hugged you and this   
is the thanks he gets!!"  
  
"Lemme get a few things straight wit you." said Sakura "First thing, I've never   
met you before. Second thing, I AM NOT GAY!!!!!!"  
  
"You're a girl, whaddaya mean ur not gay!" shouted Meilin.  
  
"OHHHHHHH!!! Now you crossed tha line girl!!" said Sakura punching Meilin in the face.  
  
"NOBODY calls me a girl!"  
  
"J-J-Just l-look at y..our..s-s-self." said Li pulling out a mirror but still laying   
on the floor in pain.  
  
"Holy shit!! What the hell did you do to my face you little fuck? I look like I'm   
fuckn' three years old!! I'ma kill you mother fucker!!"  
  
"Ahhh!!" Meilin and Li ran as fast as they could.  
  
Sakura went into the store and checked her pockets for money. She found 20 dollars  
in her pocket I swear, If that fuckn' narrator calls me a girl one more time... she thought.   
"What the hell did I just say!!!!!! Stop calln' me a damn girl!! Alright, alright piece of shit  
"What did you just say!!" LOOK, I CAN CALL YOU WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT BITCH!!!!!!! AND YOU AINT  
SUPPOSED TO BE READN' MY THOUGHTS!!!!!! AN IF YOU DON' STOP COMPLAININ', I'MA TAKE YOU OUT OF   
THE FUCKN' STORY!!!!!!  
  
"Heyyyy, heyyyy chill out man, chill out, by the way, nice t-shirt. Lookn' sharp." OH SHUT  
UP! JUST GO ON WITH THE DAMN STORY!! AN NO MORE FUCKN' COMPLAININ!!!  
  
"Fine. Asshole." I can read all idiot. Don't even think about calln' me that again.  
  
NOW BACK TO THE STORY. Sorry reader.  
  
Sakura took the money and bought some fabric. She, SHE, SHE, SHE HOW DO YA LIKE THAT HUH????   
She got out of the store and went back to the alley where the little incident of the dogs happened   
earlier. She ripped off all her clothes and put the fabrics on so she would look like a rapper. She   
took of her bows in her hair and trashed her roller blades along with her elbow and knee pads.  
  
She saw a man trying to start his engine of his car. She jumped in, took the man out and   
started driving the car. She looked in the glove compartment and found the shitiest music CD's in   
the world there were boy bands, girl bands and the crappiest singers in the world like Britney  
Spears, *N Sync, 98 Degrees, Christina Aguilera and a bunch of other bands she hasn't heard of.   
The more she digged in to the compartment, the better the music got. But it still wasn't that great.   
She finally looked at the last CD and finally found something good. Ludacris. Hallelujah! She popped   
it in and suddenly wondered: What kind of dumbass would put CD's in a glove compartment? My dad!   
said a voice inside her. "What the hell? What am I sayn', my dad's dead!!"  
  
She cranked it up to full blast "ALL RIGHT!!!!!! Southern Hospitality! Hell yeah!! Now   
that's more like it!!!!!"  
  
For some reason she had the sudden urge to join the F.B.I. She drove to the building   
and asked the guy at the gate "What does it take to join the F.B.I.?"  
  
"Well first you gotta......yada yada yada"  
  
Three hours later...  
  
"See then you'll get the F but you won't get the B.I. until ur more experienced.   
Uhh... little girl, wake up."  
  
"Huh? Oh yeah sorry." wait a minute why am I chatting with a fuckn' parking guy??  
  
"Little girl?"  
  
"Don't call me a g-  
  
"Hey wait a minute... LLLIIITTTTLLLE GIRL!!!! You look like your 10 years old!   
You can't drive!!!!"  
  
"SEE YA!!!!"  
  
The police went after her. She stepped on the gas.  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Li and Meilin were walking down the street. Meilin trying to confort Li about   
what happened earlier. Li was crying about his girlfreind going crazy and because his   
balls hurt.  
  
Li and Meilin crossed the road and they found a fat lady watering her plants.   
Inside, Meilin spotted a Clow card and ran in the lady's house. Li stayed outside   
holding his balls in pain.   
  
Suddenly, the lady needed to go back into her house. Li ran in front of her   
and stopped her. "Uhh... you can't go in there."  
  
"Are you telling me that I can't go into my own house!!! When I got to go I   
got to go!!"  
  
Awww damn. She needs to take a shit. What do I do now He thought. "Bad   
stomach? Let's ummm jog! Yes! Jogging always helps!!   
  
"Look I dunno who you are but you need to get out of my way. NOW!!"  
  
"No!"  
  
The lady punched the poor kid right where his girl kicked him.  
  
"OWWW! P-p-Please o..h dddear l-l-l-lo...rd h-h-h-help m..e...."  
  
Meanwhile Meilin heard the door open. She quickly ran into the bathroom   
and into the bathtub. She covered herself with the shower curtain. The fat lady   
entered the bathroom and started to take her shit. I don't think I need to go   
into any details. Meilin was suffering almost as much as Li. The lady went into   
the bathtub and started to take a shower but when she stepped in, Meilin stepped   
out. She looked into the at the lady by accident and was scared for life.   
  
She ran out side and saw Li. He was facing the other direction.  
  
"I've seen a whole lot of shitload in my day, but das a lotta ass!!"   
yelled Meilin. "What's wrong Li?" She turned him around and found him with   
ice on his balls.  
  
"I d-d-d...on'-t-t-t-t th-h-h-hin...k I'll b-b-b-be ab-b-b-ble   
t-t-t-t-to h...ave k-k-k-kids."  
  
"Oh dear lord!!" screamed Meilin. "Let's get you to a doctor!!"   
They crossed the street.  
******************************************************************************  
Sakura ditched the cops and is crusin'down the streets of the   
neighborhood.  
  
She suddenly heard screams and felt two bumps. She stopped the   
car and found Li and Meilin unconscious on the ground. She suddenly   
remembered everything about being the Clow Misstress and all.  
  
"Li.....I love you."  
  
Suddenly Li woke up. Sakura immediately hugged him as tight as   
she could. The power of love (not). The ambulance then came and Meilin and Li  
went to the hospital, Sakura went to jail and Li followed the love of his   
life. j/k. Li and Sakura lived happily ever after but Meilin and Li still   
went to the hospital for a few weeks.  
  
Here is what everyone is thinking about now   
Sakura: Ahhh fuck. He's the love of my life and his balls are dead.   
WHAT GOOD IS HE?????  
Meilin: FUCK THAT SAKURA!!!!! WHY THE HELL DID SHE HAVE TO REMEMBER   
EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!  
Li: Ahhhh fuck. She's the love of my life and my balls are dead.   
WHAT GOOD AM I????????  
  
Well there you go. I was drun- I mean I was really bored when I   
wrote this.  
Please review.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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